I apologise if there is no particular structure in the following post…
To tell you the honest truth, I have been procrastinating particularly in regards to this topic, the number of times I have written, deleted and re-written this article within the last months is honestly a bit embarrassing. It has been such a struggle to write ( but then again what post of mine hasn’t), I mean… I have so many topics listed that I want to share with you all but I am honestly struggling to start. Which brings me back to the difficulty I have found starting this post. At first when I thought to write on the topic of humility I thought to explore people in the Bible who showed great humility like Moses or Joseph ( Jesus’ step-father) or to explore how God humbled Joseph in preparation for his position as the Prime Minister of Egypt but then I realised that perhaps Joseph was a far humbler man than I. So instead I thought to divert my attention and look at pride instead – the opposite of humility.
A few years ago as I was praying, God told me that I needed to address the pride that was in me, I was slightly taken aback,
“Pride! What Pride?”
Considering that I really didn’t think of myself of any high status or of any value, I didn’t understand what God was telling me but I prayed nonetheless that there would be no trace of pride in me. There was a desire to be closer to God and I knew that being ‘humble’ is what God wants us to be but I didn’t quite understand its definition. When we look at the dictionary definition of the word Humble it says:
‘the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance’
To me being humble meant admitting you have no worth, my distorted definition of the word was literally this ” God formed me from dust and that is what I am dust”. We may have been formed from dust but that is not what we are now, we don’t look at a bowl or vase as say it is mud so we can not look at ourselves and say we are dust when we are now children of God. As I am writing this I am laughing to myself as I think I now understand Matthew 25: 14-21 a bit better in terms of pride. In the passage found in Matthew, Jesus gives a parable of a master who gave talents/ money to his slaves, to one he gave 5 talents another 3 and the third 1. Whilst the first 2 made great returns with their talents the third buried his in the ground, so when the master came back it is hardly surprising to know that he wasn’t impressed by the third guy, but one thing which I didn’t quite understand is why he would call the slave ‘EVIL’. The slave’s sin was not that he didn’t make a profit but that he had pride, the pride to assume that he knew His masters intent:
“Then the man with the $1,000 came and said, ‘Sir, I knew you were a hard man, and I was afraid you would rob me of what I earned, so I hid your money in the earth and here it is!’Matthew 25: 24-25 (TLB)
“There is no point in me doing anything because your just going to take all the glory for it whilst I did all the hard work”
In many ways my attitude was and probably is still like that: ” there is no point to doing anything as I am only dust, if God had wanted to make me great he would have made me from gold and not dust, therefore, God cannot do anything of significance on me, (do you hear the attitude!!). Though I have never said it like that I have gone to God many times saying:
“God I can not do this because… I can’t talk to them because I am… I know myself God and I can not do ….. I can’t tell you about this small thing because why on Earth would you care… God deal with the more important stuff whilst I deal with this”. I never quite fully let go of any burdens within me and allowed him to do what only he could do, my attitude was that God is going to take-away or just not respond to anything I have so with that mindset how could I submit to him wholeheartedly if I am holding back. I think I understand why it has taken me so long to write this post as this is an area of my life that God is still working on me (excuse the pun).