Confessions of a Christian III

There is this scripture found in Matthew 17:20 where Jesus is explaining to the disciples that because of their lack of faith they could not cast out the demons… he says :

“For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”

Now, here is the thing I am certain I have greater faith then that of a mustard seed. No man can put me under the label of a doubter or question my lack of faith, for faith I have ( maybe not to the same degree as Abraham did who is the Father of our faith Romans 4:16), but I know I have more than a mustard seed. So now with Matthew 17:20 I brought my petition to the Lord and argued that He should heal me, then when it came to mind that I was already healed at Calvary 2000 years ago my petition then became a declaration in order that I should receive the healing that had been granted to me through the resurrection of Jesus Christ and I had scripture to back up every statement I made in my petition……………………………….BUT………………………….nothing.

Instead of seeing some sort of miraculous healing , there was more evidence to show I was getting sicker and sicker. So what had happened? Did my faith waiver? Did I not believe? Even in such a situation no man or creature could ever have accused me of not having faith, I concluded that there must be something not right with my petition but what was it. I took back my petition and took the most medically sound judgment regarding my health, but I did not forget what had happened during that period of spiritual campaigning.

My faith alone could not move the mountain

Today, as I decided to write this blog and confess of my inability to become healed and my failed campaign I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before…. verse 21

“However, this kind does not come out except by prayer and fasting”

I know that this scripture was in reference to the casting out of demons, but I couldn’t help think about my earlier campaigning. Yes, I had biblical evidence and knowledge about the crucifixion to know that the healing was mine and that it had already been given to me, but I was struggling to receive that healing. I’ve explained in a previous post about how when we make a prayer request it is like ordering from Amazon, we have paid for the produce, the receipt we receive online is further evidence that the item is ours however, this item must be moved from a warehouse to our house before we have full ownership of it and within that process we have a tracking number to ensure it arrives well. Our prayer requests are similar, the receipt ie. The Bible is evidence that we own the product requested, however it must be shipped from heavens warehouse to our physicial/ spiritual house. However, here is the thing, I didn’t follow up with prayer or fasting, I knew my healing was somewhere in heaven’s warehouse but I didn’t know who made that healing I didn’t have access to his phone number, I barley looked over His company website nor read the fine prints. Here I was thinking I could walk up to the manufacturers office without an advisor, someone who knows about the protocols of the company and knows the best way to reach the manufacturer, someone who has the manufactures number on speed dial.

I was intending to walk on water without the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:26 says ‘The spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us…’. I had faith to know the battle had already been won but I had forgotten to bring my lawyer with me to court. Prayer is much more than communication to the Father, it is a reminder that without him the impossible remain impossible and it realigns our position to His so that we may be reminded that it is not by our own strength or might that mountains move, it is our remembrance of His awesomeness, a reverance of His majesty and glory , not ours , that makes the moutain move.

me trying to tell the mountain to move

Confessions of a Christian II

I have been thinking a lot recently about the story of Paul and his companion whilst they were in Prison. In Lesson 8 Psalmody International school of worship level 2, Tom Inglis draws parallels between the actions of Paul and his companion whilst in prison with what is written in the book of psalms. It made me realise how in sync their worship was to the bible and how much they had an understanding of the book of the bible to know what to do whilst in bondage and know-how and when best to praise and worship. It got me thinking of how little I know the book of Psalms let alone the Bible to be able to act upon the actions of my predecessors.

Starting with Jesus was created 9 months ago and the more I’ve written on this blog the more ill-prepared and ill-equipped I have felt regarding my relationship with God. The arrogance I once had to have believed myself to be better than where I was last year has with time dissipated and what’s left is a certain humility that makes you realise how little I know about God or the Bible.

Confessions of a Christian I

I have a list of topics and studies that I want to write for this blog, but I often question to what extent I should write them. The problem is not that I don’t have a biblical foundation or prior knowledge of the topics, it is that I’m not practising what is in the bible. What do I mean?

Well I set up this blog in the hopes that it would at least encourage me to pick up the bible and pray more often, it has helped in the Bible department but the initial enthusiasm I had to explore the bible has somewhat faded a little but at least I’m opening it and reading it ( maybe not to study). However, I still find myself with a somewhat non-existent prayer life. I guess compared to where I was last year where the thought of getting on my knees terrified me, not because I thought God was angry with me ( disappointed maybe?) but because I was angry with him and so I felt really awkward to even speak to him. However, now I guess I don’t have the awkwardness of last year but prayer wise and I mean really sitting down to talk to God and not just a passing thought or word that I’ve said to God, but actually spending time with thy maker … that has not happened. I can not even give the excuse that I’m too busy when I know more than anyone that being an adult is about knowing your time and managing it accordingly. A few weeks ago I had taken up crocheting and was desperately trying to crochet a blanket, I would spend my evenings crotcheting and wake up early at 5am to crotchet. Yet when the alarm rings at 5am I can not muster the energy to exercise let alone pray. In the mornings I say I will give at least 10minutes to pray in tongues ( at least my spirit man will be fed something) but even that is usually spent prioritising things that don’t need prioritising so instead I say I will pray on my way to work. However, there is a difference between walking to work and walking to no particular destination… one begins planning for tomorrow and one focuses on the present.

I think the next pebble I have to overcome is that spirit of “But I don’t feel like it” because if Jesus followed his emotions when in the Garden there would be no ‘Starting With Jesus’- TRUTH!

What I am trying to say is Holy spirit, I know you’re a gentleman but I kind of need you to force me into prayer with my Father… So yeah!.